Let's Talk About Nighttime Potty Training

Few things cause parents to lose their cool like potty training. Imagine this--after weeks of coaxing, coaching, and cleaning up (after a few accidents in that one corner of the living room by your fiddle leaf fig or--gah--your closet!), your toddler finally goes potty on her own. You tested her on a few short excursions outside of the house and feel fairly confident that you are past the potty training hump. You feel oddly gratified, you pat yourself on the back, you text your friends excitedly, maybe even post something about it on social media. Put a "W" in the parent column; those feel so rare these days. And then at 3:49 A.M. , you are jarred awake by your toddler yelling from her bedroom, "Mommmm!" You half-jog over in a zombie-like state and ask what's wrong. Your toddler says, sheepishly, "I went pee pee in my bed."

What? Seriously? How could this be? You were over the hump . . . right? You ditched the diapers; texted your friends; even memorialized the moment on social media. What happened?

Enter nighttime potty training. Like sleeping through the night, potty training is one of those milestones that parents consistently dread, agonize over, and (rightfully) celebrate once mastered. But nighttime training can be a totally different beast, and could follow daytime dryness by weeks, months, or--eeks--years. Don't fret, there are things you can do to help yourself get through the nighttime hump. But first, let's cover some potty training basics.

Potty Training Basics

A lot of parents wonder where to start with potty training. Depending on your style and personality, it might be good to have a potty training schedule. Pull out your calendar or white board and jot out a schedule for you and your toddler. You can write out set potty break check ins, designate "diaper free" times, and even schedule a potty training celebration party to give you and your toddler a date to work towards. Some parents wonder how long potty training takes, and the answer is it varies. Potty training is more a marathon than a sprint. As we will discuss more below, potty training will sometimes feel like one step forward and two steps back. You may be able to accelerate the learning process by employing certain potty training methods like setting aside a whole week at home with no diapers. Or putting underwear on your toddler with a diaper on the outside so that your toddler feels the sensation of being wet or soiled. Whatever method you choose, have the confidence that your child will get there and this process will soon be a distant memory!

What is the Right Potty Training Age?

According to WebMD, toddlers usually start showing interest in using the potty around 2 years old. Most children are able to physically control their urine and bowel movements between ages 3 and 4. There is, however, no magic number. For potty training to be successful, your toddler must be willing, able, and ready to transition out of diapers. For some parents, this uncertainty might be a source of anxiety or worry: what if my is never ready unless I nudge her in the right direction? Rest assured that your child will be ready in her own time. Nudging her before she is ready will only lead to unnecessary frustration and stress for you and your child, and that is no fun for anyone. In fact, following your child's lead should ease any pressure you might feel. Unless your child has to be potty trained before starting preschool, you can sit back and wait until your child starts to show signs of readiness to tackle potty training. There will be less resistance from your child and less headache for you.

What are the Stages of Potty Training?

Before you and your toddler embark on your potty training adventure, it is good to know what to expect. Let us talk about the four stages of potty training.

1. Preparation

The first stage is preparation. You have decided that now is the time to potty train. Your toddler is showing signs of readiness, ability, and willingness. During this stage, you are preparing mentally and physically. You are excited that your toddler is entering this next period of growth and giddy at the thought of no longer having to spend hundreds of dollars on diapers and wipes every couple of months. This milestone is a big one, and thus, the preparations begin. You hop onto Amazon and shop for a potty. You research and buy the best potty training book for parents. You start reading your toddler books on potty training at bed time. You even buy your toddler a potty training watch. You mark the date on your calendar and you inform your toddler that on the circled date, it is potty time. You are ready. You are set. You are on your way to the next stage.

2. Celebration

The second stage is celebration because, much to your surprise, your toddler went pee pee in the potty--on the first day! You are almost beside yourself. You cannot help but think, "Am I some potty training guru? This is unbelievable. I should write a book on this." Your toddler is proud of herself, too. There was so much excitement and so much buildup leading to this moment, your toddler knew she had to come through. She is pleased with herself that she did the thing you have been asking her to do and preparing her for. She (mentally, in a toddler kind of way) pats herself on the back; mission accomplished. Unbeknownst to you, your toddler is already thinking: That was great mom. Now, back to those diapers. Boy, you did not see the next stage coming.

3. Defeat

During stage three, your toddler went from showing you that she was fully capable of noticing when she had to potty, signaling you for help, and successfully using the potty to wetting herself every. single. time. You wonder what happened to your potty training prodigy. You thought potty training was like riding a bike--once you learned it there was really no un-learning it. Adding to your feelings of defeat are the small victories that are in stark contrast to the upsets. For instance, why is your toddler fully capable of going #1 in the potty but terrified to go #2? It just does not make sense!

4. Calm

There will come a point in your potty training journey when you will wonder what all the fuss was about. It seems hard to believe. But soon your toddler's potty accidents will become less and less frequent, and potty successes will become more and more frequent. Chances are, you won't even notice it happening. You will likely go through a mini version of the four stages when you tackle nighttime potty training. Expect accidents, frustrations, reverting back to diapers, whining, and resistance. But since you will have been through the stages before and you now know what to expect, you will be able to tackle nighttime potty training like a seasoned veteran.

Will My Toddler Ever Learn to Potty On Her Own?

Remember when you thought your toddler would never go potty on her own? Remember when you anxiously texted your friends, asking them how long it took for their toddlers to be potty trained, hoping they would respond with a number of weeks or months that was higher than yours to make yourself feel better? Remember when you had horrifying images of your toddler going off to Kindergarten and being the only one who was still wearing diapers? Remember when you felt like you failed as a parent when your toddler would scream like a feral animal any time you would try to get her to sit on the toilet? Yeah, she eventually learned how to potty. The same will happen with nighttime potty training. Promise.

Should I Limit Drinks Right Before Bed?

Cut off your thirsty, albeit adorable, toddler from milk, water, or juice at least one hour before bedtime. The reason for doing this is obvious but remembering to do it is not always easy. Especially when that same adorable toddler with big puppy eyes is trying to stall bedtime by asking for "just one more glass of water" or "a teeny tiny cup of milk". Sorry, toddler, your powers of persuasion will have to wait until nighttime potty training is over.

Should I Get Rid of Diapers?

Some parents view diapers as a crutch. They argue that diapers are so absorbent toddlers won't feel the uncomfortable sensation of being wet and will continue to potty in this familiar and convenient manner ("You mean I don't have to stop playing this game to go pee pee? Yay!") ad infinitum. This is true to an extent with daytime potty training but diapers can be an invaluable tool for nighttime potty training. Why? Because no one wants to wake up at 3:49 A.M. to bathe a toddler and change the sheets. Your toddler wets the bed in the middle of the night not because she is making the conscious decision to do so over using the potty. No, chances are she is not yet developmentally able to wake herself up and walk herself to the bathroom when she is in a deep sleep. Cut that adorable toddler some slack and give her mind and body some time to catch up. Also, do yourself a favor and put on the nighttime diapers. Let go of the "diaper is a crutch guilt", get some much needed sleep, trust that your toddler will get there eventually, and know that it is definitely not the nighttime diapers that are holding her back.

The Takeaway

The anxiety that parents feel when it comes to potty training--whether daytime or nighttime--are mostly self-imposed. We have expectations of ourselves as parents to help our children meet their developmental milestones at the appropriate times. While this is a good thing, once fear and competition with other parents take hold--My kid will be the only kindergartener in diapers! My friend's kid was potty trained in one afternoon!--that is when we lose our cool. Kids will be ready in the own time. We can help them along, but keeping a cool head means accepting that our children are ours to guide and not control. You can apply this to potty training and most every other life situation. Try focusing on keeping it cool rather than on accomplishing the potty training. Make that the goal and see how it makes you feel, then let us know in the comments below.

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